He who has ears, let him hear

I realize it’s been a little while since my last post (shocking, I know), but there really hasn’t been much worth mentioning on the job front.  We fish, I take samples.  There, now you’re updated.  That’s pretty much how it’s gone lately.  I was able to capture a pretty cool experience on video last week, but instead of spoiling it and describing what happened, I’ll simply wait till I get to Seattle and can post the actual video.  With that being said, today I’m going to focus solely on the later part of my last post.  That being to love and serve others.  Enjoy.

It’s funny how easy it is to hear God when you’re actually listening and not distracting yourself with countless things of little to no importance.  Now I’m not saying I audibly heard the voice of God.  Sometimes I wish He would make it that easy though.  Would be much harder to disobey in that case.  Plus then you could imitate His voice and be able to tell others, “no, seriously, I’m telling you, that’s what He sounds like.”  All kidding aside, God spoke to me on several occasions that first week after posting my last update.  These instances may sound very simple, but the implications are much bigger.  Boats typically do not have dishwashers.  Not that this comes as much of a surprise I’d think, but I figured I best make that known before continuing on with my stories here.  With that being said, obviously you can make the conclusion that all dishes are washed by hand.  Way to go, you regular ol’ sleuth you.  Typically how it works is whoever is cooking the meals for that day will also wash all the dishes.  This monotonous task falls on two crew members, (it used to be 3, but one took a medical leave a few weeks ago because of kidney stones and is no longer here).  Typically I would do my own dishes.  I never use that many, and I didn’t want to add to what they had to do.  I know how fun and exciting doing dishes is so why not try and help them out a little bit.  However, a lot of times during meals or snacks (we all only really eat dinner together, everything else is on your own), I would come to a sink full of dishes, would clean mine and move on.  But, after writing my last post, things began to change.  The next time I came to a dish-filled sink the thought arose that maybe I should do them and help out.  I was leaning more towards the “nah” side of it all cuz let’s face it, I didn’t want to do them.  But then something popped into my head, one simple word that I did not put there.  A voice inside simply said, “serve.”  Well, how can you say no to that?!  Needless to say, I didn’t.  So I went ahead and washed all the dishes.  The next day, same exact scenario, and again that word echoed in my mind.  “Serve.”  And again I listen.

Later that day during one of our hauls, the engineer had a problem with one of the conveyor belts and discard chutes, which caused a couple hundred fish to flow off the belt and on the factory floor and in all sorts of nooks and crannies.  My first thought. . . “man that’s gotta suck.”  Then that word came to me yet again. . . “serve.”  So once I finished taking my next sample, I began to help pick up fish.  Which sounds rather simple, but it was still no fun.  Crawling around on my hands and knees, water, scales, blood, and fish parts being flung all around and raining down on me.  When you can only grab a few fish at a time, picking up a couple hundred of them takes some time and is not quite so easy.  But I did it, and I didn’t complain.  The next day the mishap happens again.  Come on Edgar, get on the ball over there…  This time it was even more fish.  I was in no mood to assist this time.  Especially since I did 99% of it yesterday, and I was now going off very little sleep and was extremely tired and just not very happy.  So I stood there, waiting for the time to come to take my next sample.  Then it happened.  This time two words came to me. . . “serve, Ryan.”  Dang.  Even more personalized than before.  Once I heard it I went straight to work, crawling around, picking up fish, and something amazing happened.  My mood changed.  I became, happy…  Come again?  I was tired and in a bad mood beforehand, and now here I am crawling around in filth and picking up hundreds of fish and I’m happy?  How does that work?!  It’s because I was serving, and listening to God’s bidding.

After those couple days things have drastically changed.  I don’t hear that voice anymore.  The word “serve” has not invaded my mind.  It hasn’t had to.  Any time I come to the sink and there’s dishes there, I do them.  I don’t even have to think about it.  It’s become almost second nature now.  Same goes for instances in the factory where Edgar (the engineer) could use some assistance.  I help, no questions asked.  It’s amazing how your frame of mind changes when you listen to and obey God.  It may not sound like much, dishes and fish, but it’s serving nonetheless, and I’m doing it without having to really think about it or convince myself to do it.  I’m looking for more ways to serve, but there’s only so much I can do, or am allowed to do, on a boat.  But what matters is that I continue to serve in whatever way I can, and I’m trying to do so.

I encourage you all to listen for that voice.  It is there, speaking to us all.  But it’s so easy to drown out with other things.  I should know, that’s what I had been doing without realizing it.  But seek after God and really listen.  He will speak.  He is speaking.  And once you hear Him, I pray you have the courage and discipline to follow what He says, no matter what that may be.  Ask yourself, how can you serve today?

A revelation of sorts…

Well it looks like I’ve been slacking here again.  Two weeks without a post.  Well here I am, writing again just for you.  Breathe it in.

The past two weeks have been interesting.  Nothing all that exciting has occurred, but it was a slight change of pace from earlier in my contract.  We made the change from Pollock to fishing for Cod around the Adak area, which is further west on the Aleutian chain for all you geography buffs out there.  I was welcoming the change simply because Pollock can be a bit boring at times.  Plus, it sounded like the boat would be transferring a lot of bags which means I do nothing   I’ll explain that a little further.  On some hauls, the boat will bring up the net but will undo the codend from the rest of the net, tie some buoys on it and will let it fall back down the stern ramp into the water where a Mothership will then pick it up and process the haul on there.  These hauls are great for me because obviously I have nothing to sample.  All I have to do is monitor the haul back and give any necessary haul info to the Mothership Observer.  Unfortunately though we didn’t do as many transfers as I was hoping for.  Not that I’m lazy.  Ok, maybe a little.  But the crew had given me the impression that they’d transfer the majority, if not all, hauls.  Which I guess in previous years had been the case.  But not this season.  Not that I’m really complaining.  There was only one day that really sucked.  Cod hauls take much longer than Pollock because the crew was bleeding them before putting them in the holding tanks.  So a size haul that would take maybe 30-45 minutes had it been Pollock, was taking 3 hours or so with Cod.  Kinda sucked standing there doing stuff for that long.  But not unbearable.  What made that day suck is I finished one 3 hour + haul, worked on paper work for about 10 minutes, then started another 3 hour + haul, then had a 20 minute break where I was able to finally eat a little, and then did another 3 hour + haul.  After the day was finally over, with all my monitoring haul backs and actual sampling duties I basically worked on my feet for 13 hours straight with those 2 miniscule breaks in between.  Needless to say, I was pretty wore out by days end.  Luckily that day never repeated itself.  The next day we only had one small haul cuz we couldn’t find any fish.  The trend continued the next day and the captain finally gave up and went to Adak to offload.  Which took us 3 days.  The plant was having major issues and everything was delayed.  So I got a nice 3 day break in there.  Fishing from then on out was pretty bleak.  Just couldn’t seem to find anything.  And we had a several bag transfers in those days as well so I wasn’t working too hard.  I like those days.  Cod season ended yesterday actually so we’ll be heading back to Dutch Harbor in the next couple days to change gear again and head back out to Akutan to start fishing Pollock for the rest of the season.  Supposed to have some pretty strong winds coming through so we may be anchored up another day or two.  Once in Dutch I’ll have to do a mid-cruise debriefing, which is basically just a NMFS employee looking over some of my data and making sure I’m doing things correctly.  Most likely that will be my only “work” for the next few days.  The past couple days were good in that I was able to finally see some other fish than just plain ol’ Cod.  And luckily I had my camera with me and was able to get some shots of stuff, as well as the crew having some fun…

Luke saying hey
Edgar and Manuel
Darwin and his new lady friend
Cod anyone?  Can you guess what part I’m holding?
If you thought it was the stomach, you’d be wrong.  Here we have 2 big egg-filled ovaries
No that’s not pasta, that would be the male reproductive system
Weighing a Northern Rock Sole
A Great Sculpin.
An Alaska Skate
A Bigmouth Sculpin.  What a fatty.
You can see where they get their name from.  Her stomach felt funny so I decided to cut it open and see what was going on in there…
And I pulled this guy out…
How she managed to swallow that entire thing whole is quite impressive
I was a bit mesmerized by the vibrant colors.  I thought it looked really cool.
King Salmon (Chinook).  Too bad we can’t eat it.  Stupid Prohibs…
Ugly mouths…
But pretty caudal fins

Here we are at the first of March.  The time is actually going by a little quicker than I thought it would.  Grant it I still have a month and a half left of fishing, but still.  I’m able to keep myself busy and entertained, and I guess that’s really been helping with things.  Especially on days where I have no real work to do and am just sitting around.  I brought all my Scrubs seasons with me and have already motored through 5 seasons and am onto the 6th.  I’ve watched a handful of movies and read some books as well.  And of course I spend a lot of time on Facebook, and writing emails and catching up on sports and such.  What is probably most shocking to me is that I’ve been consistently working out all month.  I try to do it every other day, but with work duties, sometimes that schedule hasn’t quite worked out.  But I’ve been doing pretty well and hope to stick with it while I’m out here and hopefully keep it going once back home.  For those wondering how in the world I work out on a boat, well I’m way ahead of you here.  I brought some resistance bands with me for just that purpose, to workout some while here.  My original intention was to do P90X but the videos wouldn’t play on my computer so I had to scratch that idea.  So basically what I do is several different lifts to work different muscles and a lot of good old fashioned push ups.  Just for kicks and giggles I’ll go ahead and add on here what I’ve been doing…

25 pushups

12 bicep curls right arm
12 bicep curls left arm
13 bicep curls right arm
13 bicep curls left arm

12 shoulder lifts right arm
12 shoulder lifts left arm
13 shoulder lifts right arm
13 shoulder lifts left arm

25 triceps pull downs

25 forearm curls top
25 forearm curls bottom

I then repeat the entire thing 5 times and end with another 25 pushups to make an even 150.  So there you go.  That’s how I’m able to work out on a boat.  I’ve also realized that I’m slightly working my legs as well since I have to hold the bands down under my feet when doing different lifts.  So it’s a slight added bonus that they’re getting a little work as well.  I also want to try doing some running since they actually have a treadmill on here.  But I imagine it’s a bit more difficult to run when you’re constantly moving from side to side.  Oh well, maybe when we’re docked I can give it a shot.

So as I stated in a previous post, I’ve been reading through the Bible chronologically in a year.  I must admit, it’s been a bit boring at times.  I mean some of that stuff in Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers just almost seems like a waste.  At least that HAD been my frame of mind.  But I realized something tonight.  I’m a lot more like the Israelites Moses led out of Egypt than I realized.  This is not a good thing.  Time and time again God provided and revealed himself to the Israelites and what do they do?  They follow for a time, but then they turn from God and start worshipping idols.  I know I’ve had plenty of idols in my life; money, girls, possessions, myself…  A lot of times I don’t realize what I’m truly worshipping and giving my heart to.  But I do know that it usually isn’t what it should be.  Also, I read tonight how the Israelites would complain because they wanted meat and were tired of manna, and how in Egypt they at least were able to enjoy fish.  My first reaction was “really?”  God provides exactly what you need to survive and you’re going to get mad at Him and want more?  No wonder God became angry with them and sent a plague on those who desired more after sending in all the quail.  Then I had an “ah ha!” moment.  That was me, that’s my life.  I have everything I need to survive, the essentials.  I have way above and beyond what I truly NEED, but yet I still complain about things I want but don’t have.  Or I simply don’t realize most of the time just how God has really provided for me.  I’m an ungrateful , sinful, heartless being that rarely gives Him the thanks and praise He more than deserves.  Yet I still have the nerve to complain and question him “why?” when things don’t go my way.  Talk about selfish.  And finally, many of the Israelites simply didn’t put all their trust in God, or their trust would falter and fall away.  Again I would question such a thing.  How can these people lose faith so easily when God has been with them all along, giving exactly what they need.  All they have to do is follow yet they fail so easily.  What’s wrong with these people?  It’s like someone held a mirror up in front of me at that point.  Again, this is my life.  My trust seems to waver so easily even though there are no grounds for it to do so.  Where am I putting my trust if not in God?  The same things I’ve lived for I mentioned earlier.  Others, money, possessions, myself… No wonder I feel so empty at times, like something is missing.  It’s because there is something missing.  My heart is with God, but not all of it.  I’ve kept a hold of part of it for me and other things I want to give it to.  It’s no wonder I go through life wondering what’s next and worrying about the future.  I need a serious awakening here, and tonight helped reveal that to me.  I have been dragging along with my Bible readings wondering to myself how any of this could possibly relate to me.  Then tonight happens.  It’s all been right there, right under my nose.  But I wasn’t listening.  Wasn’t paying close enough attention.  Sometimes I wish God would just verbally speak, or simply smack me in the face and say something like “wake up stupid, the answer is right here.”  Unfortunately He doesn’t work that way, at least not yet for me anyway.  The important thing however is that I’ve finally caught on.  I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this year one of my resolutions was to read the Bible in a year.  And it was no coincidence that I felt going through it chronologically was the best plan.  The stuff I’ve been reading through is exactly what I’ve needed to see.  Even if it took me awhile to realize it.

My spiritual journey has been full of ups and downs since I first accepted Christ.  But there’s something else I learned today.  It’s not just that my heart isn’t where it should be, but it seems my walk has been declining.  I mean yes I go to church, I read my Bible, I pray.  But that’s not enough.  I don’t serve people nearly enough.  I don’t love on people like I should.  I haven’t given God everything.  It’s no wonder my future is hazy.  Why would He reveal it to me when I barely give Him any time and am more focused on me and what I want?  I was sharing my testimony with my friend Miranda yesterday and I had this feeling of joy in sharing it, and remembering how that day felt when I first accepted Christ.  The problem with this is, the feeling just doesn’t seem to be there anymore.  Not like it once was.  Something is missing.  The fire has been dying.  I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I’ve let myself grow further from God without even realizing it.  I want to grow, I want to serve, I want to give my all, but yet I don’t.  Why?  Selfishness mostly.  I don’t mean to do it most of the time, but still it happens.  This job has been a blessing in that it gives me a lot of free time that I have been spending in the Word, and reading other Christian books.  It has revealed to me what I’m missing, where my heart is at, and what I need to do.  The question is, will I do it?  I sure hope so.  I’d hate for this revelation to become nothing more than a thought of what could be.  I need to act on it.  I need to change things.  I need to wake up.  Sometimes God speaks to me in ways I don’t expect.  For those of you who don’t know, I play guitar and like to do some song writing.  All of my songs are based on my own experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc.  They are written by me, and for me.  What makes me laugh sometimes is how even though some are years old, they continue to work on me and reveal things to me.  Like right now for instance.  I can’t help but think of my song “Wake My Heart.”  It’s hitting me so much right now that I feel the need to share it, not only for my own release, but perhaps someone who happens to read this is going through something similar and needs to see it.  It’s funny, reading through the explanation I put with the song on FB, it’s as if I wrote it just now.  I hate to see that I’m back where I once was years ago.  But it’s amazing to see how God works and that He even uses me at times to teach myself.  Anyway, here’s the explanation and the song…

“For several months now my heart has been absent and I had been living life on my own, apart from God, trying to do everything my self. I would recognize this fault and would try to change and pray to change, but it was all in my mind, my heart was nowhere to be found. I was continuing to try to fix things on my own rather than let God take control. I finally began praying for God to just take over, to change my heart, and that’s exactly what He did. He broke me last week and it’s exactly what I needed. However, before this change I put all my thoughts and desires into words and into a song. God has blessed me with the talent of playing and writing music and it feels great to be able to give it back to Him. I have realized that my songs are a way of connecting with Him, some are songs of praise, and others are prayers put to music. Either way, it is one way of communicating with Him that allows me to pour myself out and let Him do what needs to be done. This song describes how I had been living during this period of heartlessness so to speak and the chorus simply states the prayer aspect of it all. I hope you enjoy it.”

Wake My Heart

This path I’m walking is full of dark debris
Littered with all the things I live for selfishly
But I’ve not forgotten You, You’re the top priority
Right under me

I’m the one behind the wheel traveling down this road
Making all the turns, stops, and decisions on my own
And when problems come along the last place I find myself
Is at Your throne

Wake my heart
Help me find a way to change
This life I’ve led
Which has fallen away from You
Wake my heart

My life’s controlled by dollar signs and pretty smiles
Pleasures of the flesh just seem to be my style
Why bother changing when I’m planning on being here
For awhile

Determined to find this image of love my mind has drawn
But unable to feel it for my heart is so far-gone
Your love is more than enough for me yet the search
Continues on

Wake my heart
Help me find a way to change
This life I’ve led
Which has fallen away from You
Wake my heart

I want to be the one praising you with hands up in the air
Speaking from my heart every time I’m lost in prayer
I want to reflect the love that You have so graciously poured on me
So when others see my life the image of Christ is what they’ll see

Wake my heart
Help me find a way to change
This life I’ve led
Which has fallen away from You

Wake my heart
Help me find a way to change
This life I’ve led
Which has fallen away from You
Wake my heart

So there it is.  My prayer in song form.  I want to finally give Him my all, let go of my heart and quit living for myself.  I hope these next two months are a journey of healing and growth.  I wasn’t expecting to share all of this, and go into such detail about everything.  But when something is on my heart I have a hard time not just letting it pour out.  It’s amazing the difference in frame of mind I had before my quite time tonight and after.  The before was along the lines of “great, another few boring chapters about nothing that relates to me or life today.”  The after…well, you just read it all.  I’m thankful I’ve finally stopped blinding myself and was able to finally see the mistakes I’ve been making and what I now need to do.  It won’t be easy, especially without the support and fellowship of you all.  I miss being around such an encouraging, loving group of people.  But I know thoughts and prayers will be with me, and I greatly appreciate that.  I hope this marks the beginning of an amazing chapter in my life.  One of growth, healing, and sacrifice.  It’s time to give my all and lay myself down for good, handing my whole heart over to God.  Lord, take all of me, for You gave me all of You.

All the single ladies, All the single ladies

So here we are, having arrived at yet another Valentine’s Day.  Opinions on this so-called day of love seem to be vary from one person to the next.  As for myself, I seem to be stuck in the middle.  On one hand, I see the importance of celebrating love and showing that special person what they mean to you; but on the other hand, it seems to simply be a commercial holiday.  Let me explain that a little further.  I’m all for showing people in our lives what they mean to us, and expressing our love for them, but should this really only be set aside for one day a year?  Shouldn’t we strive to make such an effort every day?  In addition, if we follow the traditional Valentine’s Day ritual, are we really celebrating out of love, or are we simply conforming to what we “should” be doing on just some assigned day?

Regardless of how you feel about today, this post is not to sway you one way or the other.  As I mentioned, it has it’s pros and cons.  This message however is geared to all the women out there.  More specifically, the single women.  Throughout my life I have noticed that many single women approach Valentine’s Day in one of two ways (I know there are others, and not everyone fits into these categories, but I have seen it enough to warrant speaking on it).  One being, they are downtrodden and beat themselves up because they are not fortunate enough to have a date, and instead sit at home sulking in their singleness while dressed in sweats and swan diving into a carton of ice cream.  The other being, that they get together with some fellow single gal-pals and spend the night out dressed in black or any other nontraditional Valentine’s Day colors and “celebrate” their singleness and pass the time bashing on the male species.  Whether you yourself fit into one of the categories is slightly irrelevant, for the contents of this message are geared towards all my single lady friends out there.  I simply wanted to lay out the extremes.

As for myself, I’ve spent enough of these “holidays” alone to see just how the world looks on those who don’t participate in the festivities for whatever reasons.  This year I am using the excuse that I am on a boat, out on the Bering Sea, and that the only females I see are fish that I end up having to slice open.  Don’t worry, there is no kind of symbolism there.  Simply me doing my job.  Anyway, I may use this as an excuse, but honestly, had I been home for today, my situation would most likely be the same.  Not necessary because I couldn’t find a date, but if I’m not already with somebody, why stress and try to find a date just to say I had something to do on Valentine’s Day?  Yes it is nice to go out, but ultimately I don’t really see the point.

Anyway, I’m completely side tracking from the point of this post.  To my single lady friends out there, I don’t want today to simply be another reminder that you are single.  Another day that you look down on yourself for not having a date.  Another day where you swear you’re not worth a guy’s time.  My message is simple.  Embrace your singleness.  Take it for what it’s worth.  Do not lose sight of that fact that you were created in God’s image, and no man has the right to take your dignity, your beauty, your heart away from you.  There is nothing wrong with being single, regardless of how the rest of the world looks at it.  We are in this world but not of it, so who cares what it thinks of us?  Take the time to enjoy being single.  Learn from it.  Grow from it.  Allow God to develop you into the amazing woman He so desperately wants you to be.  You may be newly single, or perhaps you’ve been accustom to those ice-cream bingeing nights for quite some time now.  Regardless of where you are and how long you’ve been there, remember every day is a growth opportunity.  Don’t miss it. Take advantage.  Do not only embrace being single, but embrace who you are.  Do not let today of all days make you interrogate yourself.  Do not let the questions like AM I GOOD ENOUGH, AM I PRETTY ENOUGH, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME, enter your head.  I use all caps to really draw your attention to these.  Why?  Simply because I know these are questions girls ask themselves all the time, especially on days like today.  What I have to say to you is this.  YES YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE, and NOTHING!  Just because there may not be a guy in the picture right now doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

Speaking as a guy, I know that we as men are often intimidated, even scared, to ask out some women.  The reasons as to why vary all over the place, but the truth remains.  Just because someone doesn’t ask you, doesn’t mean they don’t want to.  In addition, why beat yourself up when it might simply be that no guy comprehends what an amazing woman you are?  The failure is often on the side of men.  Which is why I want to apologize to all you women out there for how we tend to treat you.  We often overlook the incredible qualities you possess and instead focus on the minor imperfections (that we all have by the way) and blow them up to immense proportions and use that to cripple your image in our heads.  It’s a sick game.  Though it is not something we necessarily do consciously, it happens.  Some men may not admit to it, but in my opinion, it’s something we’ve all done.

It’s really this simple ladies, God loves you.  You are beautiful and amazing in His eyes.  However, if you are not fully satisfied in Him and His love alone, you will never be satisfied with , or by, a man.  Do not strive to win a man’s heart.  Aim for the heart of God.  May He be pleased with you in all that you do.  As the saying goes, “A woman’s heart should be so wrapped up in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her.”  Is that not the kind of man you want ladies?  I know that is the kind of woman I want.  The world’s image of the “perfect” woman has destroyed so many young girls hearts.  It doesn’t end there though.  It effects women of all ages.  Regardless how the world changes and how it perceives beauty and what a “real” woman should be, nothing says it better than Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  I say a big AMEN to that.

With all that said, I encourage you ladies to stay on  the straight and narrow and one of two things will happen; God will bless you with the perfect man you’ve been waiting for, or you’ll be so wrapped up in God’s love, being perfectly happy and content that you won’t need a man.  Only God knows your future, but embrace your present and be happy where you are.  I cannot say for certain that your knight is out there.  Though I’d imagine for most of you reading this, if not all of you, he is indeed out there.  Perhaps God is working on molding him into the man he needs to be in order to be a good spiritual leader for the two of you, to be a true Godly man.  Or perhaps he is out there, simply waiting for you to come into his life.  Maybe, just maybe, God has some work He wants to do on/in you before bringing a man into the picture.

It’s easy to have self-pity when we are single and just want the warm embrace of another and to feel loved.  It’s important to remember though that there’s a reason for it all.  We may not be ready for someone else in our lives.  Or perhaps we are ready, but God has other things to accomplish first.  Whatever the case may be, embrace His plan and follow it wholeheartedly.  You will not be disappointed.  You will be blessed.  So if you are going out today to celebrate with friends, or even if you are staying at home, whatever you do, do not celebrate with a broken heart.  Celebrate your singleness and where you are, and take stock in the fact that there will be brighter days.  This day does not define who you are one bit.

Finally, I want to take a timeout to not just apologize on behalf of men everywhere, but to speak as just myself.  I have many amazing lady friends in my life.  Ones any guy would be lucky to have.  What I have to say to you is, I’m sorry.  I have not shown you the love and respect you deserve.  I do a bad job of showing how much I appreciate you and what you mean to me.  I have failed you as a man, as a friend, and as a brother in Christ.  You deserve better, but you have shown me grace time and time again.  I’m sorry for not treating you like the lady that you are.  For not telling you how beautiful you are.  For how much of an amazing person you are.  For not giving you the thanks you deserve and being there when you need someone.  I at times have been a bad friend.  Rest assured, I don’t want to be that guy anymore.  On behalf of all men, ladies, I want to apologize for making you feel less than wanted.  For not treating you with respect.  For allowing chivalry to fall to it’s last stand.  It must prevail!  I’m sorry we don’t hold doors for you.  That we don’t open the car door for you.  That we don’t tell you you’re beautiful.  That we don’t call just to check in and see how you’re doing.  If you’re thinking to yourself, friends don’t need to do that for friends anyway, then it just goes to show how faint chivalry is in this world.  We as Christian men should want to do all of these things for our loved ones, our significant other, and our friends.  Show them the love they deserve.  My challenge to you ladies though is this.  Let a guy hold or open the door for you.  Do not be too proud to let him do it.  As many times as I’ve seen a man not do this for a girl he’s with, I’ve seen a girl refuse to give in to such “old fashioned” actions.  It’s saddening.  We both must do our parts to bring chivalry back.  It doesn’t have to die.  I’m trying to do my part, vowing that I will stand there an extra few seconds to hold the door for someone coming behind me, whether I know them or not.  I will open the car door whether we are friends, more than friends, or even if I barely know you.  No lady should have to open a door if she is riding with me.  I want to be a Godly man that lets my actions speak for themselves.  Wow I’ve taken quite the tangent here.  Let me try to wrap things up here.

Regardless of where you find yourself today, keep in mind that you are loved by many.  By God, by family, by friends, by me.  You may not always see it, or feel it, but it is there.  So no date?  Who cares.  More candy to yourselves right?  You are all amazing, beautiful women, and I am lucky to have you in my life.  Any man would be lucky to have you.  Never ask yourself AM I GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM, but instead, what you need to ask is, IS HE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.  Take care of yourself and look and aim above, and let God, when it’s the right time, introduce you to the man who is worthy, and lucky enough, to be with you.  Be blessed, and enjoy your Tuesday.

With much love,
Troske

Crashing waves, Tigers, and blackouts?

Well I figure it’s about time for another update here.  Been fishing since my last post.  Just finished our third trip earlier today and we’re now at the plant waiting to start offloading.  There has definitely been some interesting times on this boat thus far.  For starters, I was under the impression I’d never have to be outside on this boat since I just sample from the factory.  However, the only place I can really monitor the hauls when they bring in the net is out on deck.  So I’m outside for a little while after all.  Hasn’t been too bad though.  Our very first haul sucked, to put it bluntly.  I was woken up at 3:30am and told we were hauling back.  Nice and early.  Then during my sampling, one of the conveyor belts broke a bearing and would no longer work.  So we had to stop everything and the crew went to work on getting that fixed.  I wanted to go back to sleep, but I didn’t know how long it would take them, and I had to be there to finish the haul when the belts were back on track, so I was forced to fight the urge to sleep.  6 hours later… Everything was finally fixed and we continued the haul.  When we finished I had just enough time to grab something to eat before we started another haul.  Thankfully everything went fine with that one.  I took a little time to relax afterwards, had dinner with the crew, and then hung out in my room a little bit.  I was pretty exhausted since I had been up so long and going off of maybe 3 hours of sleep.  So when 10:30 came around I decided to go to bed.  So I got ready and laid down.   15 minutes later…  *knock, knock* “Hauling back.”  Seriously?!  Nooo.  I was not very happy.  So unfortunately I had to go back to work and didn’t get to finally go to bed until 1:30.  Wasn’t the greatest way to start of the season, but it got better from there.  There has been a few scares though.  I’m hesitant to write all this cuz I’m sure my mom will end up reading it and she’ll get even more worried than she already is, but oh well.  We’ve had some nasty weather up here while out fishing.  Last week we were hauling back and I was out on deck monitoring, and we had waves crashing all over the place.  Water was crashing through the trawl alley and spreading throughout the deck.  I really wish I had my camera out there with me, it looked like something directly out of Deadliest Catch.  I was able to capture some video later when back inside of a huge wave slamming into the boat right where I was looking from.  Luckily I was holding on to something, otherwise I would have been on my butt and across the room.  I’d love to be able to upload the video so you can get an idea of the impact, see it, and hear how loud it actually was, but the internet on here isn’t quite strong enough to upload such a large file, so unfortunately it’s going to have to wait.  I will however put up a few still pics from right before the wave plowed into us.  Not the best quality though.  Plus the porthole I was looking out of was already wet.

We had another bad weather day just last night.  Worse than the one from last week.  Not only were waves crashing up the ramp and onto the deck, but they were hammering and shooting over the sides of the boat.  A few times there was nearly a foot of water sweeping back and forth across the deck.  I almost learned the hard way how strong water actually is.  It nearly took my feet right out from under me.  Who knows where I would have ended up if that had happened.  The boat was rocking like crazy and several times the crew had to bail out of the trawl alley because of a wave crashing into the back of the boat, shooting loads of water down the deck.  Again, I wish I had my camera out there to catch some of the madness on video.  It was very intense, but at the same time, a pretty cool rush.  For my mother’s sake however, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t capture it.  Another piece of information I hope she doesn’t see; I was down in the galley last night and the First Mate came down to grab some coffee and said to me “you sure did pick one of the worst winters to come up here for.”  Talk about comforting eh?  It hasn’t seemed that overly terrible… Yet.  Hopefully we won’t be covered in ice again like when I first got on the boat.  That is not fun.  At times it’s still hard to believe I’m actually up here, out on the Bering Sea, doing what I’m doing.  It’s been an adventure for sure.

I’ve also learned God has a good sense of humor.  For those of you who are fans, you know that Mizzou played Kansas in basketball this past week.  Well, I had my Scorecenter app up and running so I could get updates with every basket.  Of course I get called for a haul back just as the 2nd half started.  I decided to keep my phone with me and would check in from time to time.  I checked the score right before it was time to take my first sample.  After getting that I went right back to my score watching.  When I saw we were down by eight with just a few minutes left I started losing heart, but I knew my Tigers could turn it around.  Which they started to, so I was getting very anxious and excited.  The game was nearing the end and it was time for me to take my next sample.  What do I do?!  Do I go ahead and take my sample and miss the end of the game, or do I finish the game and then take my sample, even though it’s not at the right time.  Well, I went with the later.  Shhh, don’t tell NMFS lol.  So I continued watching the updates.  We’re closing in on them, all of a sudden we’re winning!  I then see we’re up by 1, and we steal the ball and they foul us with 10 seconds left, 2 shots, it could be all over!  BAM!  Lights go out.  In fact, we lose all power throughout the boat.  Which means no more internet, no more updates.  I have no idea how the game concludes.  I was ticked!  Shortly after I had to chuckle, figuring God was having a good laugh at my expense.  I pushed off my work duties for a game, and ended up it didn’t even matter, I didn’t catch the end anyway.  There was a silver lining however.  Had I not been so focused on the game, I might have started freaking out when I realized it was pitch black other than my phone, and we were simply drifting at sea with no power.  Not a very good situation to be in at all.  Luckily it lasted only about 15 minutes and then they were able to get the power back on and the engines running.  A little bit later the internet was finally up and running again and I saw that Mizzou did indeed pull off the comeback and hand KU a loss.  Way to be Tigers!

So that’s pretty much the only things worth noting regarding work.  As far as personal stuff.  I’m currently going through the Bible in a year chronologically.  It’s going well so far.  I’ve been able to stick with it each day and hope that trend continues.  I’ve also been reading through Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost For His Highest” as a daily devotional.  Very thought-provoking and convicting material.  If you’ve never read any of it, I’d recommend picking up a copy.  It is filled with powerful stuff.  Along with that I just finished reading “Wild At Heart.”  I had read it once before years ago, but I couldn’t remember much about it.  I’m glad I picked it up again.  In reading it I’ve learned a lot about myself, how I was living, and some of the things that I’ve been striving for.  Most of those being the wrong things.  Not that they are bad things, but I was approaching them in the wrong way.  My heart wasn’t wear it was supposed to be.  As is a common theme in the book, I had lost my heart.  It’s a little hard to describe it all if you’ve never read the book.  If you have, then you may know what I’m talking about.  Essentially what it boils down to is I haven’t been living as God wants me to, as He created me to.  My worth and desires were not fully wrapped up in Him like they should be, and I was seeking it elsewhere.  Again, there is nothing wrong with the things I was wanting or pursuing, I was just going about them in the wrong way, and placing more importance on them than needed to be.  I was using those things in an effort to complete me, to be happy and fulfilled, when the truth of the matter is if I’m not happy and fulfilled solely by God alone, nothing else is going to be able to do the job.  My perspective had been changed by reading this book and I became aware of some of my erred ways.  I am now looking to find my heart and face my wound, once discovering what it might be.  It may be a painful road, but it’s the only way to get to where I need to be.  Only then can I truly be the man God wants me to be.

I realize a lot of that may not make sense since I tried staying away from too many specifics, but as I said, if you’re familiar with the book it will help shed some light on things.  If you’re not, feel free to ask me about it.  I have no problem discussing it further.  Until next time friends.  Perhaps next time I’ll be able to speak of beautiful days, perfect weather, and no problems.  But what kind of adventure is that?!

Eagles on parade

Well I finally made it to Dutch Harbor, but as usual, my bags did not.  I arrived around 11am and once I saw my bags hadn’t made it, I went to eat some lunch cuz I hadn’t eaten since late afternoon the day before.  After filling my belly with some fine Alaskan cuisine…a double cheeseburger and fries, I made my way back to the airport.  Only I didn’t take a cab this time.  It was cold obviously, but the wind was calm so it really wasn’t too bad.  This turned out to be a very good decision.  After leaving the Unisea I took a stroll over to the docks to see what boats were there.  I recognized most of them.  One of the boats I was on last year was one of the first ones I happened to see.  As I gazed at the boats and the fish plant I noticed hundred of eagles just sitting there on the boats and the top of the building.  It was quite the site.  I mean I saw a few last year here and there, but nothing like this.  Literally hundreds of them.  Thankfully I had my camera with me and was able to get some sweet pics of it all.





There’s just something so fascinating about the Bald Eagle.  I’ve always loved them.  In fact I have probably a dozen or more statues of them in my room, my grandmother has made me two awesome cross-stitched eagle portraits which I have on my wall, and I also have a painting that was my grandpa’s on my fathers side that I was given when he passed, with an eagle in a beautiful scenic shot with a river and snowy mountains.  So yeah, I like Bald Eagles.  So getting to witness this spectacle, and at times be only feet from these wild birds, was quite the experience.  Their beautiful birds, but you have to be careful around them.  They can seriously mess you up.  Their talons can tear you to shreds if you’re not careful.  And with there being like a hundred of them around me, I moved slowly as sure not to surprise or frighten them.  After I soaked this all in for a little while, I continued on my trek back to the airport where I still took a bunch of pics, only these were scenic shots of all the snow, mountains, and the Bering Sea.  You’ve seen them all before from my past FB albums, but they look much different covered in snow.  It can be a really beautiful place up here.  Anyway, I finally get back to the airport, and spend the afternoon sitting there waiting for more flights to come in to see if my bags will show up.  A freighter shows up a little later, and would you look at that, my 2 personal bags are on it.   I can finally take a shower and change my clothes, yay!  But wait, still no gear.  Seriously?  Yep, no gear, but at least I have MY stuff.  Worst case scenario is I have to check out all new sampling gear from the Dutch Harbor field office, and buy new rain-gear, boots, gloves, and whatever else I had in there that was mine.  If my stuff hadn’t shown up within 24 hours then whatever I buy gets reimbursed by the airline.  So I wasn’t worried about that and having to buy anything, I just didn’t want to go through all the hassle.  For one, I have big feet, and finding the boots I wanted, and ones that actually fit me, would be beyond lucky.  Thankfully this was not a problem, because my gear showed up the  next day (today).  So after the last of the flights arrived and still no gear, I took a cab to my boat, met the crew, and unpacked all my stuff.  Getting to my room wasn’t easy.  The entire deck of the boat was covered with about 4 inches of snow/slush/ice/water…and here I am in tennis shoes cuz my boots were with my gear which had yet to arrive.  So needless to say by the time I got to the other end of the boat, my shoes were drenched and soaked through to where my socks were sopping wet and my feet freezing.  After getting to my room I put my shoes next to my heater to help dry them out.  This was both a good and bad idea.  Good in that by the time I went to bed they were pretty much dry, but bad in that somehow the intense heat seemed to shrink my shoes a little bit.  I didn’t know such a thing was possible, but apparently it is.  Hopefully my giant feet will stretch ’em back out.   The next day (today) was pretty uneventful.  I slept in, a lot, in an attempt to make up for all the sleep I hadn’t got all week.  I wanted to take a shower, but after a couple minutes of nothing but ice cold water, I decided I wasn’t gonna get in.  Same thing happened last night too.  So instead I did what any man would do…put on more deodorant and change my clothes.   I grabbed some lunch and hung out in the galley awhile.  What’s great about this boat is that they have 2 wireless routers.  So I get great reception in the galley, and even get a pretty good signal in my room.  It’s fantastic.  After eating, and finding out the secret to the shower from a crew member I took a nice warm shower.  It was needed, and felt so good.  After writing some emails and playing on FB I went to town with the crew to buy supplies for the season.  Mainly it was them getting what they needed and me walking aimlessly around the store.  After getting back we all had dinner and someone had put Saving Private Ryan in, so I watched that, even though they all left halfway through.  And that brings me to now, here, typing away, giving you all an update on my events the last couple days.  We should be heading out tomorrow evening.  At least that’s the plan anyway.  So we shall see.  So far so good.  It’s a nice boat, and the crew seems pretty cool.  In fact one of the guys on here was the captain from the boat I finished last season on.  So a familiar face is nice.  I guess that’s about it for now.  Think warm thoughts for me.  It’s pretty darn cold up here.  I know, real shocker right?  Alaska, cold…who knew?!

For those of you who read my last post, keep praying!  My friends father has improved slightly, but he has yet to wake up, and that has them worried.  But he’s breathing more on his own and doesn’t need the ventilator as much, which is good.  Hopefully things keep improving, even if it’s just small steps at a time.  It’s good to see that she is remaining strong and confident that he’ll be ok.  I know this can’t be easy on her or the rest of her family.  But she knows it’s in God’s hands and she believes He’ll see her dad through on this.  And I pray she is right and that that’s exactly what will happen.  Please join me, and continue praying for this man and his family.

Miracles and misfortunes

Before I get into any kind of update, I want to pass along a prayer request to all of you.  For those of you at church you will have already seen this if you’re on the prayer chain, and for those who are not, please join us in prayer for what I’m about to share…

I messaged a friend yesterday and asked her how life was going in CoMo
(Columbia, Mo) cuz I hadn’t talked to her in a little while.  Her reply
was:

“I don’t know, I haven’t been there in almost a week. I’ve been in St
Louis. My dad is in the ICU of one of the hospitals here. He’s in very
bad shape. We need God to work a miracle.”

Obviously that’s not something you want to hear.  I asked her what was
wrong.  Her answer:

“A lot. Well first of all, he’s been a smoker for over 30 years. A
week from last Friday he went to a hospital in Carthage, Mo cuz he had
a fever, chest pains, and was coughing up blood. They diagnosed him
with pneumonia. While he was at this hospital he contracted a bad
staph infection. The infection spread throughout his body and his
kidneys started failing. His body couldn’t handle all of this and fell
into a self-induced coma and was put on a ventilator. He was then
flown to St Louis because the hospital it Carthage didn’t have the
facilities, equipment, or specialty doctors to help dad. When he got
to St Louis they discovered he also had influenza. He’s still in a
coma today and hasn’t gotten any better. He’s been getting dialysis
treatments every day to try to flush the infection out of his system,
but it hasn’t helped a whole lot. His circulation is terrible, too.
His feet are dark purple and his toes are starting to shrivel up. A
few of his fingertips are back and shriveled up. The doctors said he
should’ve woken up by now, so they’re afraid he might have brain
damage. That’s why we need a miracle. This is so stressful and
mentally and physically exhausting.”

I can’t imagine what she and her family are going through.  We serve a God of miracles however, as the picture above reads MIRACLES STILL HAPPEN, and I know He can bring her father out of this.  Please join me in lifting up this man and his family.  May God’s will be done, and may He ease their hearts and comfort them in this time of turmoil.  I do not know where this man stands with the Lord, but I pray this situation would work for the good, regardless of the outcome.  That it draws this family to God, seeking Him in their lives.

I also wanted to give a quick update on my plans.  I found out yesterday afternoon that I would be heading to Anchorage at 6am this morning, and then catching a flight to Dutch at 12:30pm.  My initial thought was “Yay!  I finally get to get out of here and won’t have to deal with my roommates anymore.  My second though, “Wow that’s really early.”  Indeed it was.  The shuttle picked me up at 3:50am and after picking up 2 others we headed to the airport.  I didn’t get any sleep the night before.  I tried, but couldn’t get to sleep, so I tried on the plane.  Not sure if I did or not, but either way, the 3 and a half hours went by pretty quick.  I laid around in Anchorage a bit while waiting for my flight, making my way to the gate around 11.  They gave us an update around noon saying the flight was on a weather delay and would update at 12:45.  This comes as no surprise.  any time I’ve flown to Dutch Harbor it was delayed.  Fifteen minutes later they come back on and announce the flight was cancelled.  Fantastic… So now I have to find the company apartments here in Anchorage and get my bags.  I get to baggage claim and watch as all the bags come out, and none of them are mine.  This also comes as no surprise.  Every flight I’ve been on with this job a bag has gone missing.  The guy at the counter makes some calls, they bring out more bags and all transfers.  Still nothing.  Over a half hour later, and several phone calls the guy is stumped, and has no idea where they could be.  Most likely my bags got put on an earlier flight.  That flight was holding in Cold Bay, Alaska and would most likely be returning due to weather.  But there is no way of knowing if my bags are indeed on there or not.  So I get to play the waiting game.  I’ll have to spend the day at the apartment without any of my clothes, and have to be back at the airport to check in at 3am.  Lovely schedule right?  So it seems again that I have the worst luck when it comes to flights and luggage.  All part of the game I guess.  Will I make it to Dutch tomorrow?  We shall see.  It’s nothing but a big guessing game at this point.  And the weather here just makes it all that much sweeter.  It’s a balmy -2 here in Anchorage!  Just keeps getting better and better. Hey April , come quick…

What’s on tap

I finished up my briefing on Friday with a long stressful day.  The weather caused us to delay the in-water training till Friday morning so I got to start my day by jumping in the frigid lake.  Which in all actuality, wasn’t that bad.  It was actually kind of fun.  Though, had it not been for our survival suits I’m sure I’d be singing a different tune.   We followed that up by taking our Fish/Crab ID test which I managed to get a 100  on.  A few seconds to honor my amazing accomplishment. . . . . . . Thank you.  After lunch it was an afternoon packed full of lectures.  Oh how exciting…  Gear check out was how we ended the day, which took forever.

My boss stopped by the apartment later that evening to discuss with us what our tentative plans were.  At the moment it looks like I’ll be heading out to Alaska on Monday, where I’ll end up in Dutch Harbor and boarding the Northwest Explorer.  From there we’ll then sail out to Akutan where I’ll spend the next few months.  The boat is basically the same as the one I finished on last season.  Which is a very good thing.  It’s spacious, makes things easier and a lot less dangerous, internet equipped so I can keep in contact with everyone, and I’ve heard positive feedback about the crew as well.  So I’m happy with the results.  I’m ready to get out there and get to work.  Sounds totally unlike me, I know, but I’m getting really bored here in Seattle, plus my roommates, who are apparently a couple now, are so unbelievably annoying that I can’t wait to get out of here.  I mean don’t get me wrong, good for them and I’m happy for them, but they seem to forget there are other people here, and the way they are around each other is just so, well, annoying.  I don’t really know how else to say it.  If there were other people to hang around, or I had transportation to wherever I wanted to go I might feel differently, but unfortunately that’s not the case.  So yes, as unbelievable as it may seem, I’m ready to head out and get back to the Bering Sea.

I’ll try to keep this updated, more so than last time.  And I’ll try to capture some great photos.  I have a much better camera with me this time, so the quality will be much improved.  Also, for those who are wondering, yes, the beard will be growing out yet again.  You can thank my brother for that one.  As to why him, I shall not reveal that, you’ll have to wait until I get home and see the pictures for yourself.  It’s going to be amazing.

Here’s the giant town I’ll be spending some time in while I’m gone.  Don’t let the picture fool you though.  Half of it is actually the fish plant and its facilities.  Yes, that’s right, the plant is actually as big as the town itself… Sad… But the view is phenomenal.  Just check out my FB albums for proof.